Jokes

If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a BANJO off a 20-story building, which one lands first?

Who cares?

Q: How does a banjo player respond to applause?

A: No one will ever know.

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

You don't have to take off your shoes to jump on the banjo.

How do you get two mandolins to play in tune?
Shoot one.

How do you get two banjos to play in tune?
Shoot them both.

Q: What is the best sound a banjo ever made?

A: The sound of it hitting the accordion at the bottom of the dumpster.

A banjo player was fed up with being ridiculed so decided to take up another instrument. After spending all day in the music shop he asked the assistant, "Can I buy the red saxophone please?"

"Your a banjo player aren't you" replied the assistant. "Yes, but how do you know?" "Because you just asked to buy the fire extinguisher!"

What's the difference between a banjo player and a terrorist ?

You can negotiate with a terrorist!

Q: How do you make a banjo player's eyes light up?

A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Risqué Fiddle Business

In attempting to announce that his wife and a visiting friend would play a violin duet, the speaker's introduction came out this way: "My friend John will now come up to the platform and fiddle with my wife."

Question: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead banjo player on a road?

Answer: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Definition of a gentleman: Someone who knows how to play banjo ... and doesn't

One day a guitar player looked through the window of an antique shop. There he saw a stuffed rat and a stuffed banjo player. Then a customer entered the shop. Through the window the guitar player saw how the man purchased the stuffed rat. When the man left the shop he curiously asked what he was going to do with the stuffed rat. Follow me the man said. I am a rat extinguisher. As the man walked in the gutter, rats began running up from the sewers below the streets. After a while there were thousands of rats following the man. Then the man went down to the river and all the rats followed him like they were hypnotized. He then threw the stuffed rat into the river. All the rats jumped into the river after the stuffed rat and drowned. The guitar man went back to the shop, entered it and said, “Hey, I’d like to buy the stuffed banjo player”.

A guitar picker found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie came out of the lamp and said to the guitar picker, "I have come to grant you a wish!” The guitar picker asked the genie to build a bridge from New York to London. The genie replied, “that’s impossible so make another wish.” The guitar picker thought for a minute and said, “well there is a question I would like answered.” The genie replied, “ask away! The guitar player asked, "why would anyone take up the banjo?" The genie thought for a minute and asked the guitar picker, "would you like that bridge with two lanes or four?"

Banjo Player: "There's a song in my heart!"

Guitar Player: "Here's ten bucks. Make sure it stays there!"

Question: What's the difference between banjo playing and chalk scraping on a chalkboard?

Answer: You can erase the chalk.

A bluegrass band traveling through a foreign country gets arrested for playing western music on the streets. The band is brought before the magistrate and is condemned to death for such an outrageous act.
The executioner walks up to the guitar player and asks, "Do you have a last request?"
The guitar player responds with "Can I have a smoke?"
The executioner approaches the banjo player and asks, " Do you have a last request?"
The banjo player responds, "Can I play Foggy Mountain Breakdown one more time?"
The executioner approaches the fiddler and asks, " Do you have a last request?" to which the fiddler replies "Can you shoot me first?”

Question: How does a banjo player respond to applause?

Answer: No one will ever know.

Question: Know how to make a million dollars playing fiddle?

Answer: Start with two million.

Question: What do you have when a group of violinists are up to their necks in wet concrete?

Answer: Not enough concrete.

Question: What do you do with a violinist that can't play?

Answer: Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.

Question: What do you do if he can't do that?

Answer: Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor.

A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry, he's dead," comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."